By Dennis Mcintee

When it comes to having hard conversations with our teams, sometimes the most difficult part is overcoming the knowledge that the person on the other end might not like us anymore when they hear what we have to say.

As humans, we are born with a natural desire to be liked. However, sometimes that desire tips into a need that can be highly detrimental to leaders. How can you make solid decisions when you are gripped by the need for affirmation from your team?

If this sounds familiar to you, don’t lose hope! Typically, these desires are rooted in insecurities you may not even be aware you have. And we ALL have them. The more we allow these insecurities to dominate our thoughts, the less confident we become, and the more we depend on the approval of others.

The Key to Defeating This

The key to defeating this scenario is to become comfortable with ourselves, including our shortcomings. The very first step is recognizing where you are strong and where you are weak. When you are aware of your weaknesses, you can create systems to overcome them or surround yourself with people who have the strengths you lack.

For example, a weakness might be time management. There are gadgets and apps aplenty to help you time block, set reminders, and organize yourself to a point that the weakness no longer is a factor and your self-confidence can flourish as a result. It may even be a large enough weakness that you need to hire a team member to help carry the burden for you and that is sometimes the ideal solution. Building a team with complementary strengths and weaknesses is a fantastic approach and one we have used on our team.

Once you tackle your self-confidence, you must also cut out your interpretation of the expectations others have for you. How can you be your best self when you spend your time and energy creating an image of how you want others to see you? It helps to recognize that what other people are thinking literally is none of your business. You cannot ever control it, so why not let it go and tell yourself a better story?

What Makes You Unique

When we are always trying to live our life driven by that need to be liked and to perform a certain way, we are trying to be someone we were not created to be. Be good to your mental health, and realize you are amazing and special and have gifts just the way you, are and that is what makes you unique.

The best leaders make the best decisions because they are living the life they were uniquely designed to live.

Are you struggling with where to begin? Visit, and check out the resources available to help you start your journey to self-confidence and drama-free leadership.