Further proof that elderly is often only a state of mind.
I subscribe to a weekly newsletter titled This is True, where the publisher collects weird odd news stories, and each Friday afternoon I get a compilation of 3 or 4 stories. I got this one last Friday:
Word Up: The Language Columnist for the Baltimore Sun noted that his newspaper had referred to a 68-year-old woman in a report as “elderly.” He admitted that “We should have known better than that,” since the Associated Press Stylebook dictates reporters should not “refer to a person as elderly unless it is clearly relevant to the story.” But on the other hand, columnist John McIntyre notes, “If you are old enough to collect full Social Security benefits and Medicare, you are no longer young. For that matter, you are no longer middle-aged. And spare me that codswallop about sixty being the new forty. I have been forty and I have been sixty, and I can tell the one from the other.” Still, he advised his colleagues to “steer clear of using ‘elderly’” since “You know how cranky old people get.” (RC/Baltimore Sun) …How do you know the Ballmer Sun has a lot of elderly readers? Because they still have a Language Columnist.
Then someone sent my wife a link to this video of a 98 year old woman who was living in a retirement community that got rid of their bus. Someone had taken her license from her only because she was old, so she decided to do something about it:
So what’s this have to do with senior living?
It seems pretty clear to me that even though we are in the business of serving older people it is pretty easy for us to see our residents as old, frail, elderly people as opposed to seeing them as people who have some physical and perhaps sometimes cognitive limitations. I would even confess I have done that with my mother on occasion. We need to be conscious of this natural tendency because it is not right and I believe it can easily reduce a residents will to live.
What are you doing in your community to ensure that you are not seeing and treating your residents as elderly people?
Steve Moran
Great article, Steve, and I loved the video! Sometimes, it’s hard for me to find the right balance of wanting to help seniors (specifically my parents) and respecting them enough to let them do things for themselves — even when it takes longer than if I did it myself. I’ve seen the look on my mother’s face when I rushed ahead of her to do something for her that she had started to do herself. I had good intentions, but I needed to be more aware of how it made her feel. Thanks for the reminder!
It sounds to me like there were key elements in the woman’s story here that are very telling. Why were not residents informed of the upcoming elimination of the community bus and provided an explanation of why? Having residents be informed, involved, and able to provide “input” are significant ways to help residents “not feel elderly.” To me, informing residents is just as important as providing checker boards and watercolors.
If that communication is routinely attempted, I realize residents may be given the “party line” information. In other words, if the reason(s) for getting rid of the bus is because it was repossessed and the community’s finances are shaky, residents will most likely NOT hear that message.
But figure out something for better communication, please.
This community now ought to be a bit nervous — a resident has a video made about how she regained her Michigan driver’s license because the bus was done away with. She is taking her neighbor to the WalMart and may start taking more residents in her car. Let’s say she gets in an accident. Headlines: Senior Citizens from XXX Community injured in an auto accident. They had to resort to their own auto to grocery shop because their community eliminated the shuttle bus.” How would that help the marketing effort?
Great post! Yet another proof text for us as providers to continue to strive to help our residents feel valued and have purpose.
Great article and fabulous video! There is a tendency for people to think they know what is best for seniors and discount the fact that their life experience tells them exactly what is right for them!
I have to agree with the above poster that the bus should never have been eliminated from a community like that.
Hi Steve — WOW there are a lot of messages here. I think that it is very easy for staff members to discount people’s feelings and dreams. Maybe they think that, because this person is older, he or she thinks in one particular way or another. I remember a man named Credo telling me that he wanted his body “used up” for the Lord—he had no intention of slowing down. Loved the video and I think that it is very important for communities to make sure people have every opportunity to GIVE to others. I saw Helen every time I came to a community in Illinois. Even though she was practically blind, she always had a kind word and a scripture of the day that she would hand me from her purse. The staff made sure that she always had a supply (each week) to pass out to residents, staff, family, and visitors. Naturally, I think that a way to get to the person’s core beliefs, loves, values, mission in life is to KNOW more about them. So the life story is where it all starts….which requires sitting down and truly listening to each other. I think that is hard to make happen, but that is the next step for many organizations to make real change occur. –Beth Sanders, CEO Lifebio.com