By Steve Moran

I recently came across this concept in David Brooks’ book “How to Know a Person” — one of the best books I’ve read in a long time.

If you really want to know me, you can’t simply see me as an older white guy (maybe even an old white guy) because if you do, you completely miss who I am.

At the same time …

If you work to simply see me as an individual without putting me in the context of my age, gender, and skin color, you also miss who I am.

Why the Anti-Ageism Movement Misses the Point

This is why I’m so unenamored with the Ashton Applewhite version of ageism. My age is real, and it’s a big part of who I am. So much of the anti-ageism movement seems to want to pretend that older people are just like younger people, except their appearance has changed. It couldn’t be further from the truth:

  • There are things I can’t do anymore that I used to do
  • I spend a lot more time and money on all things medical
  • There are things I’m not interested in doing anymore
  • I have many friends and relatives who have died
  • I can look to the future and, in more than a theoretical way, realize that I won’t always be here

The Gifts That Come With Age

At the same time:

  • I’m as happy as I’ve ever been
  • I know more things than I’ve ever known
  • I give better advice
  • I’m better at knowing when to keep my mouth shut (this one is still very much a work in progress)
  • I’m continuing to make the world a better place
  • I don’t worry nearly as much about money
  • I have grandkids who are the love of my life

Embracing Life’s Stages

The right truth is that the best thing we can do is see life as a series of stages and enjoy each stage for what it is, for the joy it brings. We get to choose to see what’s wrong or see what’s right. While I suppose it’s true that we need crusaders who are outraged by wrongs, even they can choose to see the good, the joyful. It’s not an either-or.

Dick Van Dyke Shows Us How To Do It

“The Times” recently published an article about Dick Van Dyke, who is turned 100 in December 2025. It’s a good look at growing old well. He openly talks about the negatives of aging (which are real) along with the positives and how he keeps “dancing his way through life.” Just a couple of quotes:

Referencing the roles he played, portraying an old man:

“Mostly, it’s the physical deterioration that feels accurate. Like my old characters, I am now a stooper, a shuffler and a teeterer. I have feet problems and I go supine as often as is politely possible.”

“I’ve made it to 99 in no small part because I have stubbornly refused to give into the bad stuff in life: failures and defeats, personal losses, loneliness and bitterness, the physical and emotional pains of ageing. That stuff is real but I have not let it define me. Instead, for the vast majority of my years, I have been in what I can only describe as a full-on bear hug with the experience of living.”

“Boiled down, the things that have kept my life joyful and fulfilling are pretty simple: romance, doing what I love and a whole lot of laughing. Let me show you what that looks like on the ground, as they say. To pull the ‘grumpy old man’ away from the TV, Arlene will dance along to the pharmaceutical ads. This gets me out of bed, following her to the kitchen. Invariably, one of us will start singing and the other will join in. And if it’s a good day, which it almost always is in our house, we’ll break into a little swaying and soft-shoe right there.”

You can find the entire article here: Dick Van Dyke at 100: my rules for a long, healthy, happy life