Over the past three or four weeks I have had three unrelated people express outrage over things I wrote, said, did or in one case didn’t do.
Coincidences are weird things!
I have come to understand why most senior living websites tend to choose safe topics and stay neutral in their writing. Over the past three or four weeks I have had three people express outrage over things I wrote, said, did or, in one case, did not do.
Case #1 – Ageism
A friend sent me an email telling me about a industry friend of hers who was outraged over the horrible ageism displayed in two television ads, one produced by the discount travel site Kayak and a second one produced by A Place for Mom. I went looking for the ads and was able to find the Kayak ad, which you can see below, but could never quite figure out which APFM ad she was talking about (one where apparently the adult daughter did all the talking and the mother who needed care just sat there). I thought there might be a story or a guest article on ageism though, honestly, I found the Kayak commercial to be humorous and felt that it did not in any way put the elder in a bad light.
I got the introduction, set a phone call and it did not go well. I could never quite figure out why she thought the Kayak commercial was offensive and she was no help about the APFM ad, in fact she had no idea who APFM was or what they did. It was clear she thought I was at best unenlightened and likely much worse. I suggested that she author an article about her concerns (because she wanted to start a campaign to get these two ads taken off the air). She told me she wasn’t interested because either people got it or didn’t and she wasn’t interested in wasting time with the unenlightened (my term but her sentiment). Ok . . .
Case #2 – My product is the best thing in the whole world and you better write about it
Every month I get several requests or suggestions that I write about someone’s product or service. I am always glad to get those emails, but in most cases I don’t end up writing about them. I have to be convinced of their value and/or they need to be unique or revolutionary. Finally, because I have some blog sponsors who pay us to help tell their stories, I am very cautious about devaluing what they pay for.
There is this guy who has this thing that he believes will revolutionize care. He is having great difficulty getting anyone to agree with him and purchase his product. He is very angry about that. While I have looked at his product and we have talked by phone and I have offered some thoughts on how he might move forward, I have not written about his thing.
This is the subject line of the last email he sent me: “So Called interest in technical innovation you profess is a SHAM” I feel badly for him and understand his frustration that people are not as excited about his thing as he thinks they should be, but to attack . . . well . . . it is just kind of sad. The rest of the email followed the same theme and same tone. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I did write back suggesting maybe a big part of his problem was being a jerk.
Case #3 – Shameless Sensationalism
A few days ago I published an article where I made a comparison between the Sherpas and senior living line staff. I got this email response:
Comparing 16 dead sherpas to food service workers and personal care attendants is click baiting, crass, sensationalist, and offensive. The points of economic disparity and lack of educational opportunities could have/SHOULD have been better made without the Fox-News-worthy headline of the sherpas’ death. At the very least, it is in poor taste.
This one was the most difficult and caused me to do some serious soul searching. In fairness, I made the Sherpa reference because it was current news and something people were thinking about, something I was thinking about. And yes . . . something I thought would attract readers. It was particularly personal because I have a “half a degree separation” from someone who was attempting the summit this year. I have been watching his soul searching about what happened. It was not my intent to compare line staff with those who died, but rather make the comparison that line staff do the hardest, dirtiest and even most dangerous jobs with little or no glory. What Sherpas are demanding is more gratitude, and more financial security for their families if a tragedy occurs.
Keeping On
When people are unhappy with me I take it more personally than I should. I feel guilty and sad and yet, I try on this blog to address topics that would not necessarily otherwise get talked about. I am trying to look at issues, ideas and situations through different lenses as a way of helping the industry get even better. I always appreciate the comments. I think about them and care what you think. I am not always right, but always learning and always willing to be challenged. It is why I don’t moderate comments (except for SPAM), will keep tackling difficult topics and will continue to get outraged comments, emails and phone calls. I appreciate every single one of them.
Moderating Outrage
We live in a world where outrage has become the norm and this is unfortunate, because it tends to shut-down discussion and discourse, instead forcing people to back into their corners and fortify their positions. It makes it hard to grow and learn. With respect to the Sherpa article I wish the person who sent me the email had posted the complaint in the group discussion with just a bit less outrage where we could have a conversation about it. I might have ended up learning something or even seeing it her way.
Two Final Thoughts
- Consistently we receive way more positive feedback than negative. What is curious is that while it is personally more satisfying and gratifying to receive positive feedback, negative feedback is almost always a guarantee of higher traffic numbers and levels of engagement.
- If we did it the same as the other organizations there would be no reason for Senior Housing Forum to exist.
Steve Moran
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One of the most valuable aspects of this blog is your perspective, Steve. Looking at our industry from a different angle, sometimes under a harsher light or stronger magnifying glass, helps all of us shift our view and sometimes even notice something we didn’t particularly want to see. I am glad that you’re not aiming for comfort or agreement–there’s not much progress to be found there.
Keep fighting the good fight. The politically correct world we live in completely shuts down healthy dialogue, you are a breath of fresh air in not going along with the status quo. People are so insanely thin skinned, and look for points to attack as opposed to trying to understand what is actually being discussed.
Jack York
I rarely respond to articles, I think about what is written, take what applies to me or my community, incorporate what I’ve read and move on. Today is different. I appreciate thought provoking articles – whether I agree with the perspective or not – that’s the purpose in the writing. Aiming for political correctness helps no one and I am glad you do not take that into consideration as you write. I enjoy the thought provoking “prod” that can make me look at something from a different angle. I particularly enjoy those “aha” moments. This is the first thing I read when I open my mail each day. Thank you and keep up the good work.
Thanks John:
It is a labor of love and I have two levels of frustration:
1. Already stated: That outrage comes so easily to some people. There are times where outrage is a good thing but it should be saved for huge things, that people are actually doing, not for thought or ideas.
2. That most of the time people are unwilling to put that outrage out in the public marketplace as a way to stir discussion and promote their ideas. Honestly if it is so important it inspires outrage shouldn’t it be important enough to put in front of everyone.
Steve
Thanks Jack: I do confess that I am a bit more thin skinned that I wish I were, but I have enough perspective that I try not to let it slow me down.
Steve
Debbie you have it exactly right. Take it think about it, even disagree with it. I know I am not always right. I change my mind on things. One good example of this is that while I think often the cry of ageism is overblown, because of comments to articles I have written, I am much more aware and sensitive to the issue.
Steve
Steve,
I love your blog and your articles on linked in and other places. I find them stimulating and informative. I love getting all different kinds of input.
My only problem is now is that I feel guilty about not writing a negative response. Since those are the kind that get more traffic and participation. Sorry I only have positive things to say right now. I will work on the negative and see if I can come up with something but be kind about it! 🙂
Keep up the great work!
Thanks David. You make me laugh out loud.
Steve
Steve, first off, I love your blog.
You’ve got a great point of view, and I can tell your opinions come from a good place of wanting to make senior living better in many ways. I thought the Sherpa comparison was great. Sure, it’s not the same exact thing, but I understood you weren’t belittling what happened on Everest–just using the comparison to make a point about under-appreciated hard/dirty jobs.
We get flack every now and then about our email newsletter name, which is “Silver Tsunami” because it is supposedly insensitive to victims of a Tsunami. I stand by it. because I think the objectors think we are trying to be cool with the name.
But I believe the age wave we are going to experience will feel very much like a tsunami: overwhelming and unstoppable.
If you’re not pissing someone off, you’re probably not writing anything great in the first place. Take it as a sign that you’re doing something right! Keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll keep reading.
Steve – enjoy your blog and often thought-provoking topics. Don’t slow down nor take things personally, you’ll sway the objectivity. My word of caution (my opinion), is to be careful on the ‘outrage.’ Blind comments that convey this level of response appear to be aimed on one main goal. Also, don’t assume that more written positive comments are a true data point on success. Folks don’t always respond when it may appear negative. Continue to encourage true dialogue and success for universal improvements to the customer’s experience!
Steve, I have become a regular reader of your blog. I don’t ever sense that you are politically correct. People confuse political correctness to mean language that insults no one. Politically incorrect words are hateful and/or selfish. I sense you are very considerate and compassionate. In fact, my sense is that is what drives your work.
The fact that people are reacting to your words in a significant way is an indicator that you are touching nerves. That’s brave writing and makes for worthwhile reading. When I hear about people writing such mean things in response, I remember Shakespeare’s line: “Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.”
Please keep doing what you are doing!
Ack! I meant that you are never politically INcorrect! Geez. Sorry about that.
Arlene, thanks so much for your kind words.
I am so frustrated and saddened by what the current culture wars is doing to “friends” with differing opinions. If you read much of what I write you will know that my politics lean a bit to the right. If asked I would describe myself as a fiscal conservative and a social moderate.
Mostly though, I fundamentally believe people are doing the best they can based on their circumstances and belief system. What I find hard to understand is how my liberal friends, who used to see themselves . . . and still largely proclaim themselves to be champions of tolerance are in fact just the opposite.
Over the last several months on my personal Facebook account I have noticed three of these people who were frequent posters, quit posting. I went to see why and discovered they have defriended me. Not because we have had any harsh words or conflict, but I suspect because we do not politically/socially see the world eye to eye.
While clearly it is their right to cast me aside it makes me really sad that:
1. Friendships are so easily discarded over ideas.
2. That somehow these people believe their lives are richer and the world is a better place when they only see one perspective.
I am old enough to know there are lots of things I don’t know and some things I don’t have right. I value dissent and discussion. I was taught this was a bedrock principal of this country and it seems as if there are a growing number of people who only want to hear from those who agree with them.
It does not and will not serve us well.
Steve
Steve,
I think most outrage is spurned by guilt of the offended party. As a long time operator in Senior Housing we stick to the basics, consistent personal care, appropriate timely meals and meaningful activities. Recently we had a family outraged that we didn’t serve more cooked spinach and only offered two different sweetening alternatives. They reported us to the state for which I am happy as we had a clean survey and the complaint wasn’t substantiated. All of that was nothing more than the guilt of a daughter.