By Steve Moran
The entire senior living industry talks about how great senior living is:
- How it makes the lives of older people better
- How it gives older people a new lease on life
- How we give older people purpose
- How we create great experiences for older people
- How we solve the loneliness problem
The list goes on and on.
And Yet …
I’ve been thinking about this for months and talking to people in senior living about it for the same period of time.
Senior living leaders are doing everything they can to ensure they NEVER have to live
in senior living — at least not until they have no other choice.
There. I said it. The thing I’ve been afraid to put out there in print. I would love to have you prove me wrong!
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is
If you need more proof, I want you to give me a list of retired senior living executives (or even executives who are not retired but over age 60) who have moved into senior living as a lifestyle choice.
I can name a few, but that number is fewer than the number of fingers I have on one hand— not counting my thumb.
It’s likely worse than that.
I’ve talked to dozens of people who work in senior living who have moved loved ones into senior living communities, where the experience has been mediocre to terrible. This, of course, is not universally true. I’ve had a series of events with my own family — some being terrible, some being mediocre, and some, including my stepfather’s current setting, really good. I can also name a handful of other leaders who have had really good experiences, mostly in communities they own.
But the exceptions prove the rule.
Rethinking Everything
I’ve spent a ton of time soul-searching about this, at times wondering if I’m a big fat hypocrite for being part of a business sector where I don’t want to be a customer.
Here’s what I’ve come up with (some of which is contradictory):
- I believe that much like the death business (funeral homes, cemeteries), much of senior living is about necessity rather than lifestyle, and we simply need to be more honest about this reality. Even today, my stepfather is in senior living because it keeps him safer, and we simply couldn’t shoulder the burden of caring for him at home.
- The reality is that for some people, senior living does represent living their very best life. This is true in spite of senior living executives mostly not believing in their own product.
- Senior living needs to think more about the most important thing human beings need in order to thrive. The data is clear: it’s human connection. There’s a ton of research to back this up. (Watch for a future article on this topic.)
- Senior living will never be home. (Watch for a future article on this topic.)
- Senior living can be better than home, though rarely is. (Future article coming.)
- We desperately need to be willing to rethink what we are today.
The Fundamental Question
We say that senior living is best for older people. But none of us believes it.
What does that tell you about what we’re selling?
What would you add to this list?
Senior living needs to deliver what customers were told they would get. Period. So what if demographics are _____—. Whatever. What matters is that a place fulfills the contract it has with THAT customer who just signed on the dotted. You can’t grow your way out of a hole, if you can’t find good CNAs.
Steve- I agree with you wholeheartedly. I often tell my clients they need to design/create/operate their setting so they would be happy to move in. If you have the mindset that what you are operating is good enough for “others” but not for you or your family, why are you even in this business? It’s not “If you build it they will come” It is “Build it so you would live there, and they will come.”
Amen…Thank you
Directors, Nursing, Care Teams are the “Guests” in their communities.
This is the “Residents” HOME!
When will start realizing we are there to guide them through a joyful journey!
Steve, great piece as usual. I would add that senior living execs see first-hand what older adults have to give up in order to live in one of their communities — day-to-day control over daily living. There’s no “independent” living — it’s very dependent on what the operator offers and provides.
I think if senior living could focus less on what one gets when they move in and more on what they don’t have to give up, business would be brisk. That’s a mindset shift few are willing to make.
Good article, though I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Of course people would prefer to remain in their homes and avoid “the home.” That will never change. I live in a medium size CCRC (about 230 residents and run by a regional nonprofit). It’s a decent enough place and we have a waiting list. Not fancy but nice enough. Virtually all of us live here because of underlying health issues or the inevitable frailties of old age. But the marketers and managers know that such honesty kills sales. Everyone knows that people usually buy the illusion. A quick story: My wife and I toured several CCRCs before moving here. It was a fairly upscale place and I mentioned the abundance of amenities to the sales person and asked if they were widely used. “Not as much as you would think,” she said. “They are mostly fo ease the guilt the children feel about putting their parents in a facility.” Wonder if she still has her job? I am doubtful that American seniors will ever buy into the illusion that any kind of facility will ever be like home. Why would it be? “Good enough” seems a realistic goal. Just don’t say it out loud to the prospective residents or their loved ones.
I visit many communities and they all have some level of a facade of genuine connection. But it is more a function of a few long time staff or residents that create the web of friendships, care and concern. Even the rebranding of “facility” to a “community” feels forced and I go along because I want it to be true. As a home care provider the pull of “home” is strong for most of us. Turning all control over to a faceless corporation that will likely change ownership at some point is terrifying. Many EDs are washed out from other industries instead of the best and brightest. I have been in meetings with EDs I wouldn’t trust to care for a plant.
My Husband and I are in our mid-30’s. Through my work as a corporate regional leader and now education partner to many large senior living orgs, I’ve had the opportunity to tour countless communties and sometimes I bring my husband along. He’s always in awe of how great “these buildings” are as he puts it. Last week we were watching a show where the main character was visiting a retirement community and he says “I can’t wait for us to live in one of these places!” My work is in the life enrichment sector and so I work with orgs that walk the walk of all those fancy promises on so many websites. I think that’s the big difference. Too many execs can’t be bothered with the life enrichment piece and are too busy focusing on SOPs and how to cut costs. So of course they can’t see anything appealing about the industry from that lens. I’m counting down the decades until I can call senior living home and my husband is just as excited.
Steve-I love your boldness in sharing this truth. I think it all depends on the senior living situation. I know many couples from my church who choose to move into independent living communities while they were still able-bodied. They had adorable two- or three-bedroom cottages and knew if their health conditions declined, they were already in a place that could help them handle that. They moved with friends and had instant community and then grew a bigger community. I’m sure all of them hoped to remain in their little houses until their dying days. I think it is the NEXT step that everyone fears…even and especially the Senior Living Executives themselves. Don’t we all want to live a robust life then skid into a little case of pneumonia in our 8th or 9th decade and die before we ever need assisted living? And God forbid our memories go….