Sitting at my desk, I gazed out into the world that exists just beyond my office door. For that moment I forgot about budgets, renovations and deadlines as an incredible feeling of loss came over me. I felt such a deep sadness for these residents’ families and loved ones.
Mable was the fourth resident to pass away in our community that month, four, that’s a lot.
Sitting at my desk, I gazed out into the world that exists just beyond my office door. For that moment I forgot about budgets, renovations and deadlines as an incredible feeling of loss came over me. I felt such a deep sadness for these residents’ families and loved ones.
I watched for a while, as an occasional employee passed by my door, waving or smiling in silence. As I looked deeper I noticed the sadness in their solemn faces and that’s when I came to the realization that we were all grieving not just me.
Emotions On The Line
At that moment, one thing became very clear to me; caregivers voluntarily take a risk with their own emotions on a daily basis. They make connections and open their hearts, knowing all too well that, at some point, there will be difficult situations to cope with. Caregivers likely deal with more death and grieve more than anyone you know. Sadly enough, they are really good at it.
The residents who had recently passed were staples in our little community. Many of these residents had years of impact on the employees’ lives. When any resident passes, it is truly like losing a grandparent or even a really good friend, these were particularly difficult. We were grieving because we cared.
Natural Connections
Caregivers naturally create profound connections and family-like bonds with residents and families. This bond generates an intrinsic reward, a feeling of purpose, which can be a great motivator when acknowledged. Unfortunately, these relationships exist at times without any tangible recognition or appreciation. Because of these bonds when a resident passes, the caregiver experiences loss, and too often this loss goes unnoticed. Acknowledging the importance of those relationships and helping caregivers celebrate those bonds is a powerful way to support them in their grief.
The Silent Thank You
Caregivers daily receive what I like to call, “The Silent Thank You”. It’s a look of appreciation; a nod or a simple smile that’s not noticed by outsiders. This “Silent Thank You” can make all the other things that we deal with, especially the grief, a little easier to cope with.
The challenge is that many caregivers get so overwhelmed by their jobs and the demands placed on them, that they don’t realize how connected they are. They don’t realize so much of what they do, on a daily basis, positively impacts the lives of our residents and their families. This is so important!
A Powerful Story
Condolences and kind words of support, from families is joyful indication of the incredible effect that our jobs have on others. The daughter of a resident who passed away shared this powerful story:
Her mother was on hospice, she couldn’t believe how many employees, her mother’s life seemed to have touched. She referred to us as her mother’s “angels”. The daughter said that in her mother’s last days staff members, some she didn’t even know, had never seen before, came into her mother’s room, to comfort her mother and their family.
She was shocked that her mother knew them all by name. The daughter said that it was truly overwhelming, seeing them all come, share stories and say goodbye to her mom. She was in awe of the support and kindness shown for their family. She told me she will forever be grateful for her mother’s happiness while she was with us. This acknowledgment was so powerful . . . A reward for just being there, for caring and for doing our jobs and doing what comes naturally. It was simply heartwarming.
It is important for those of us who are managers and directors to share these stories. Immediately I went and shared this story with staff, acknowledging their loss and thanking them for making a difference. In our culture telling these stories has become an important part of how we measure and celebrate success.
I hope that you accept the gratitude for all that it’s worth, no matter when or what form it comes in. Remember to take the time to recognize all the Silent Thanks You’s. Always credit yourself for all that you do and all that you are. And when it is time to grieve, find comfort in the positive impact you have made. It takes a special kind of person to invest their time and their own hearts, selflessly, in the life of another. Thank you for being that person.
Julie
