By Steve Moran
I asked senior living leaders to talk about the things families do that drive them crazy. Here is what they told me:
- Thinking community staff can replace family members.
- Expecting the community can stop normal processes of aging, like falls, dementia, physical decline.
- Underestimating the cognitive abilities of their loved ones, treating them like children when they still are adult human beings.
- Not understanding that team members are doing the best job they can but don’t have the same history and knowledge of the residents that the family members have. They need to be a part of the process of serving the residents.
- Constantly micromanaging care / constantly questioning care decisions.
- Visiting inconsistently. They don’t understand how lonely and isolated residents become when families don’t visit.
- Not taking the time to understand what kinds of things senior living communities can and cannot do, particularly relative to what is allowed by regulation.
- Bringing residents things that could harm them — scissors in memory care, over-the-counter medications.
- Projecting their (the families’) anxiety onto the staff, making it harder to do the things they need to do.
- Demanding the staff provide the same resident status update to multiple family members rather than picking a single contact point.
- Getting mad when the community calls 911 after a fall or other incident even though the regulations require this to happen.
- Having the expectation that the community can stop all falls.
- Not understanding resident rights. For instance, residents have the right to refuse medication, take a shower, or participate in activities.
- Asking for things that aren’t possible or expecting instant responses.
- Not being clear or consistent about what they want, what they are hoping for with their family member.
- Assuming that when a resident in memory care complains about team members they are giving an accurate description of what is happening.
A big thanks to Alida Calaway, Megan Faubel, KAT Stenson, Dr. Sara Kyle, Ryan Heshmat, Melinda Collins, Anthony Laflen, Nat Watkins, Darlene Gulino, Justin Wakefield, Shelly Halleck, David Hutchens, Cheryl Field, Anna Ward Gounev for contributing to this article.
Nice list …. wonder if there is a non-offensive way portray a list like this in an admission packet? Or have a “Family Expectations” sheet of sorts ??
I kind of think there is. Maybe a “How to make the most of your loved ones senior living experience.”
Correct. But if they don’t read it, it’s useless.
Better: A short, in-person seminar that at least one (and hopefully more) family member must attend that helps them understand these realities BEFORE or within 24 hours of mom or dad‘s admission. Make it alluring with, say, Coffee and donuts, or snacks and soda to accompany the experience.
It is an interesting thing… I wrote this article several months ago, before I became a consumer of senior living. I turned into one of those family members that was seen as a problem. But in truth, the things that frustrated me, the things I complained about were things the community should have been taken care of but didn’t. While I didn’t report anything to licensing several of the things I complained about would have been resulted in write ups.
Perhaps complaining family members should get more attention and should be seen as the canary in the coal mine.