It is hard to Imagine that anyone creating copy for a senior living community would think these things were a good way to attract new residents.

It is hard to Imagine that anyone creating copy for a senior living community would think these things were a good way to attract new residents.  But these examples are all real, though community names have been changed (in most cases).  I hope these didn’t come from your home page.

  1. “Apple Tree is setting a new standard through Linked Care, Comfort and Safety, Community Centered Programming & Real Food” – “Real Food” as opposed to . .
  2. “Cable TV and Wi-Fi included at no additional charge”Can’t you get this even at Motel 6?
  3. The air smells cleaner”Because other communities have bad smelling air?

  4. “Nowhere else in This Town will you find a better priced Assisted Living Facility”Seriously still using “Facility” on the front page?No
  5.  “Residents are free to be the same people they have always been”In other communities residents turn into cats, or dogs.
  6. “If you think Rockville retirement communities are all alike, think again”HUH?
  7. “Our staff flat out love our residents, loving them like they do their own moms and dads” –  Much better than round out loving.
  8.  “You’ll feel good just being here”Because in other communities you will feel bad.
  9. “When it was time to seek assisted living for our father, we found that Sweet Care was our best choice. They give all of their patients the care they deserve all at a reasonable price”No patients and no grammar check
  10. “We proudly serve the deaf senior community”  – For Breakfast or Dinner? Roasted or Steamed?
  11. “You can also move directly into one of our assisted living facilities without moving into independent retirement living first” –  Puzzling that this would be a requirement anyplace
  12. “Happy Home–an assisted living conveniently located near Rogers Lake which prides itself on providing not just an affordable place to stay, but a home that residents feel proud of and are comfortable in”  – The lake provides care
  13. What’s the right size for a senior living community? We think it should be small enough to feel like an intimate family residence—impossible at a big chain, such as Silverado, Emeritus or Sunrise Senior Living; and large enough to offer ample opportunity for socializing and enjoying a wide selection of programmed activities, which small board and care facilities clearly can’t do.  –  Bashing the competition is not cool at all.
  14. With a degree of personal services and attention above that of Residential Care and an alternative to Skilled Nursing placement, residents in Assisted Living enjoy all the support services they need in a less restrictive and more home-like setting. “Assistance” comes in the form of help with all the activities of daily living (ADLs), including personal grooming, self-care tasks, and mobility issues.Don’t know about you, but I got bored before this one sentence is over.
  15. The Withering Heights Retirement communities, located on beautiful Hill Way at the entrance to Withering Heights, invite you to come live the good life in a luxurious setting. –  Tough to read
  16. ‘Care for residents with colostomies/ileostomies, contractures, fecal impactions/enemas/suppositories’On your home page?