By Leigh Ann Hubbard
Remember when you were a teen and everything was horrible?
“These are the best years of your life,” some adult would insist. “No bills, carefree.” Gazes toward clouds. “Cherish this time.”
And here you are thinking, “It gets worse??”
Side B
At 15, I hated my facial profile. This was the ’90s, so it’s not like I was looking at unflattering pictures some frenemy had posted on Facebook. When did I even see my profile?
Anyway, that big nose and soft jawline. Move over, Cindy Crawford.
But my mom had this saying: “Change that tape.” Today, it’d be “skip to next song” or something.
Whenever I’d say something negative, she’d respond, “Change that tape,” meaning, flip it to the other side. “My nose is big” became “My nose has character,” “is unique,” or “is beautiful.”
Finally one day, it struck me: My features are from my ancestors. By criticizing my appearance, I was insulting those who came before.
“I hate my profile” became “I look like my ancestors, and they were beautiful.”
4 Examples
There are so many people who don’t fathom their own value — who live with mean voices in their heads.
Whether this is for you or for someone you know, here’s a breakdown of some tape-changing examples that may help you embrace who you’re meant to be.
Thought 1: I’m stupid. I can’t figure out this new software. Everybody’s going to think I’m behind the times and dumb.
Tape change ideas:
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- I’m eager to learn!
- I’m brave. I will ask for help.
- I can be a good example for others in asking for help. Everybody needs help sometimes. I’m a leader.
- I’m resourceful and determined. I can find training or videos and learn from them.
Thought 2: I don’t know what I’m doing. They put me in this leadership position, and I have no idea how to do this. I’m terrible at training people. I hate hard conversations. They’re going to fire me.
Tape change ideas:
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- I care about being a good leader.
- They want me to succeed.
- I want to be a good example. I am humble. I will seek out opportunities to learn from others or be mentored.
- There is only one me. I will be the best leader I can be. No one is like me, and I’m not like anyone else.
Thought 3: I’m so lazy. I can’t even clean my desk off. Why am I so disorganized and useless?
Tape change ideas:
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- I’m human. My body or mind is telling me something. What does it need? A break? A barefoot stroll in the grass? A phone call? A nap? It’s healthy to take care of myself.
- I will do one thing. I will file this piece of paper. Yay! Success! Next time, I’ll do one more thing.
- Everybody struggles.
- The state of my desk is not a reflection of my worth as a human.
Thought 4: I’m a giant.
Tape change: I’m statuesque!
(That last one’s from my mom. I’m 5’10″.)
If You’re Not Convinced …
You don’t have to believe it to think it. Fake it till you make it. It’ll start to sink in.
But I do want to note that I’m talking about people who are able to change their thoughts.
For many people with mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, feeling better is not a matter of changing your mind. Your illness influences your thoughts. So if you think that may describe you, here’s my tape change suggestion especially for you:
I feel bad, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. This is a medical issue, not a moral one. There is hope, even if I can’t see it right now — even if I don’t believe it. I can take one step. If the anxiety or the depression tells me not to, it is a lie. Even if I believe the lie, I can take the one step. One single step.
Maybe your step is to call a health care provider, a friend, or a hotline. Maybe it’s to text someone. It’s okay to ask someone to help you find help. Often these illnesses strip you of your ability to take complex next steps. That is normal, and you are not the only person who has gone through this. You are brave. There is light around that dark corner.
You can call or text the the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline here.
Please feel welcome to share this article with anyone you think doesn’t give themselves enough grace. Change that tape. Be who you’re meant to be.