By Steve Moran
Regrets are an inevitable part of life. Most are so simple and trivial that we don’t remember them a day after the thing happened. But others stick with us for a lifetime. In senior living we see this more acutely than most others as we walk through the final chapters of life with our residents and their families.
But it does not just happen when people get old and die. And the younger you are, the more opportunity you have to not have big regrets.
A few years ago, a longtime family friend in her late 40s had complications after a relatively minor surgery and unexpectedly and tragically died, with it all unfolding in just a few hours.
Another close friend had become estranged from her a year or two prior to her death, after a deeply emotional fight over something trivial.
The living friend called me sobbing over the lost chance to restore the friendship. It is a regret she will live with for decades, the rest of her life.
It got me thinking, what are those regrets I don’t want to have at the end of my life?
A Word of Caution
I want to be very careful here, because I am not talking about a life of self-indulgence. I know some people whose entire life is focused on having the best experiences, as if there is a prize for doing the most amazing, exotic experiences.
The people I know who banish only those kinds of regrets seem never to be fully satisfied. And once they die, that list of life experiences means nothing.
Regrets You Don’t Want to Have at the End of Your Life
Here is my list. What resonates? What would you add?
- Worrying about things you have no control over. There are so many things we worry about, from politics to the behavior of other people. We even spend time being mad about jerk drivers who are mostly not evil, just distracted.
- Waiting for the right time to …. We all have these things that we really, really want to do, but the time just never seems right. Then one day you wake up and realize the time has passed. That thing you want to do is no longer available to you. Maybe it is time for you to go for it.
- Not walking away from a toxic relationship or situation. This has so many applications. It could be relationships, family members, jobs, churches, friends. They rarely get better. Don’t get me wrong, no relationship is perfect; no relationship is without its ups and downs. I am not talking about walking away at the least provocation — that will never make you happier.
- Not making a difference in the lives of others. Really making a difference, investing in people’s lives, is perhaps the most noble, most meaningful thing any human being can do. I am not talking about dropping a $5, $10, $20, or $100 bill into the hand of a homeless person. You may brighten their life for a moment. But to spend time deeply invested in the lives of people whose lives are then transformed is the ultimate gift you can give and the ultimate pinnacle of life.
- Not spending time with those you love the most. You know they will always be there for you, and after all, they are close. Then one day you look back realizing you have missed out on so much with those people who are the most important.
- Not listening to that tiny voice in your head. Your head, your brain, knows you better than the conscious you does. It starts by making time and space to hear that voice. Listen to it, pay attention to it, give it serious consideration. A cautionary note: Sometimes that inner voice is like ChatGPT. It can steer you in the wrong direction, so use wisdom before you act.
- Going negative. We have so many opportunities to go negative. We see all the wrongs in the world — done to us, done to others, big and little. And we are fed a steady dose of news, all designed to make us hate, to think badly about someone or something. It is not worth it.
- Spending too much screen time. TikTok, Facebook, X, Instagram — they have a single goal, and that is to keep you on platform so they can feed you ads. What else could you be doing with that time?
- Not taking risks. Life is full of risks. I am not talking about stupid risks with dire consequences, but start writing that book, launch a podcast, make that social media post. Walk up and introduce yourself to that person, be silly, have fun, ride that roller coaster, fly in that plane or jump out of it — with a parachute of course.
- Not admitting you were wrong. Some people spend their entire lives having to be right about everything. They end up looking mean and ignorant. They miss some of the best parts of life.
- Not taking care of your health. Eating right, getting exercise, creating balance in your life will pay huge dividends.
- Not pursuing your passion/passion project. You have a thing or things you really want to explore, to figure out, to learn, to create.
- Not being who you are. So many people spend time being what they think is acceptable or what is acceptable, and who they really are gets lost. Be you. … You are amazing.