By Steve Moran
I know I have a weird mind, and I spend way too much time going down rabbit holes, into strange cracks and crevices, wondering about all kinds of things.
I sometimes wonder if it is a bit like taking an acid trip without the acid.
Driving Down The Highway …
I was recently driving down the highway listening to oldies when Paul Simon’s song “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” blasted through the speakers. It sent me down one of those rabbit holes, and I found myself wondering if I could come up with a list of 50 ways to stay out of senior living (with a little help from AI, of course).
Just for fun … mostly …
50 Ways to Stay Out of Senior Living
(To the tune of “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”)
[Verse 1]
“The problem is all inside your head,” he said to me
“The answer is as simple as a low-sodium tea
I’d like to help you keep your house and live it fancy-free
There must be fifty ways to stay out of senior living”
He said, “It’s really not my habit to intrude
But if you’re eating pureed carrots, well, you’re in a sour mood
I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But we’ve got fifty ways to stay out of senior living”
Fifty ways to stay out of senior living
[Chorus]
You just hide the brochure, Stan
Get a master plan, Fran
Don’t act confused, Lee
Just keep the front door key
Hop on the treadmill, Phil
Hide every little pill, Bill
Don’t let ‘em see the cane, Jane
And keep yourself free
(Repeat Chorus)
[Bridge] (Tempo slows, slightly ominous)
Now, the lawyer’s in the parlor and he’s looking at the books
He’s got that “Medicaid-is-coming” kind of hungry, legal look
He says, “You gave away the lake house back in 2022
“That’s a five-year look-back penalty — now whatcha gonna do?”
I said, “I’ll bury all the silver and I’ll hide the family van,
Because a nursing home’s a prison for a self-respecting man.”
[Verse 2]
He said, “It grieves me so to see you in such fear
Of a place with bingo night and lukewarm root beer”
I said, “I appreciate that, but could you speak into my good ear?
About the fifty ways”
He said, “Why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you’ll see the light (As long as you can see the light without a nightlight)
There are fifty ways …”
[The “Fast-Talk” Verse] (Match the rhythm of the rhyming names)
Hide the cane, Jane
Fake a sprint, Clint
Lose the walker, Walker
Ditch the bifocals, locals
Dye the hair, Blair
Stand up straight, Nate
Pass the test, Bess
Know the date, Kate
Recall the name, Blaine
Do the Wordle, Myrdle
Post a reel, Neil
Use the App, Cap
Text with speed, Reed
Order Uber, Huber
Buy a dog, Log
Host a rave, Dave
Mow the lawn, Dawn
Paint the trim, Jim
Stay out late, Nate
Don’t go to bed, Red
Just don’t go, Joe …
[Outro]
You just hide the brochure, Stan
Get a master plan, Fran
Don’t act confused, Lee
Just keep the front door key
(Fade out with: Fifty ways … just don’t let ’em catch you, Joe … stay out of the gulag …)
Now if only someone would perform this …
I have a few more lists coming.
So much fun Steve. This made my day!
Thanks.
Love it!! That’s my plan!
From one contrarian to another:
“Fifty Ways to Make a Plan (Stan)”
**[Verse 1]**
“The problem’s not all in your head,” she said to me
“The answer’s not pretending you don’t need a little help to be free
I’d like to help you keep your life — just more intentionally
There must be fifty ways to make a plan”
She said, “It’s really not my place to interfere
But if you’re hiding things from folks who care, you’re leading with your fear
I hope my meaning won’t be lost — I’ll make it very clear
There are better ways to make a plan”
Better ways to make a plan
**[Chorus]**
You don’t have to hide it, Stan
Just take a stand, Fran
No need to pretend, Len
Let someone in again
Make a call today, Ray
Think a step ahead, Ed
You don’t lose control, Cole
When you get a plan
(Repeat)
**[Verse 2]**
Now the daughter’s in the kitchen and she’s quietly concerned
She’s noticing the little things, the lessons never learned
She says, “We’re not trying to take your life — just keep what you have earned
But we don’t have a plan…”
He said, “I’ve seen the places, I don’t like the tone
Feels like if I walk inside, I won’t come back out home”
She said, “That’s not the truth — you won’t be on your own
If we actually make a plan”
**[Bridge – slower, reflective]**
Now the advisor’s at the table and he’s looking at the facts
Not just numbers, not just contracts — but the spaces in the gaps
He says, “You’ve got more options than you think you lack
But timing’s what you don’t get back”
He said, “This isn’t loss — it’s just a shift in how you live
And the earlier you plan it, the more control you get to give
To yourself, to your family — to the life you want to live
That’s the power of a plan”
**[Chorus]**
You don’t have to hide it, Stan
Just take a stand, Fran
No need to pretend, Len
Let someone in again
Think about your why, Guy
Make it on your terms, Herm
You don’t lose your say, Kay
When you make a plan
Call an advisor, Liza
Talk it through, Drew
Loop in your kids, Liz
Make it real, Neal
Tour the place, Mace
Ask the cost, Ross
Know your rights, Dwight
Plan ahead, Ted
Write it down, Brown
Move with choice, Royce
Keep your voice, Joyce
Stay in charge, Marge
Pick your time, Climb
Don’t wait late, Nate
Choose your way, Fay
Live your life, Rife
With a plan, Stan…
**[Outro]**
You don’t have to hide it, Stan
Just take a stand, Fran
No need to pretend, Len
Let someone in again
(Fade out:)
There aren’t fifty ways to run away…
There’s just one good way…
Make a plan.
I love this….
Thanks! I love your new daily amalgamation of senior housing news – kind of Drudge-like daily breakdown. A good repository of relevant articles impacting all facets of the industry.